Hard Gay man saves the day

Thought id save you searching the words hard gay yourself.

how to waste a day trying to get your visa renewed. (works best when extremely hung over. one cup brand sake worked for me)

step one

head off to the local city office by bike. make sure to bring a map but then put it back in your bag....your far to clever to use it.

step two

ride in any direction you please because you "think it might be over there" or "ive got a feeling its over this way". They dont just put city offices anywhere do they? there has to be an aura

step three

Stop and ask people for directions with strange Japanese like "excuse me where is here?" "where am i?" and then dont pay attention when they answer (this is where you need to be wall eyed hungover)

step four

arrive at the city office. take a number and sit down, you dont actually need to.

step five

when the lady asks you if you need help just smile and say no thanks when really you cant tie your own shoelaces.

step six

discover that you didnt actually need to go to the ward office, you need to go to immigration instead. Curse your company for not telling you and then read the letter again and notice that the first sentence clearly states immigration office.

Repeats steps two and three all the way home.

A New Demographic

Apparently theres some 13 year olds reading this blog. That shouldnt have happened. Im going to have to tidy up around here. For a little while there will be no swearing, no controversial opinions, no sex, no violence, then just when ive bored every last one of them into never coming back we can turn this blog back into the pirate ship she once was. aaarrrrrrrrrr.

Meanwhile, training has been and gone. I havn't been with a large group of english speakers for a year so it was quite strange. I forgot what minglings all about. The infinite variations of name, where are you from? how long have you been here for? though important ice breakers, get incredibly tedious by about the third time

Is it true some people have no sense of humor...or am i just not as funny as i think i am. You dont even have to laugh really...just smile or raise your eyebrow or blink or something....do something man.....c'mon, im just as bored as you are! On the other hand are there people that really want to have a 20 minute conversation about where Michigan is....no not the west coast, the east coast....near chigago....chigago...not thats in illinois. no not near new york...kinda over and crossways.... Melbourne?.....its south...you know...no its not the capital....thats Adelaide....yeah yeah...yeah no the president of Australia? Steve Irwin...sure....yep we do that.......yep....

I dont mind doing this type of thing with Japanese people....my Japanese ranges from non existent to truly awful so simple conversation can be really satisfying. I suppose i just expected that when youve got the history of western culture coupled with the english language as a common reference point you could make more of an effort than....melbourne huh? whats the weather like down there?

anyway I have the tendency to moan so ive got to be honest and say I met some nice people. i may even have a plan to go up mount fuji in a couple of weeks with some teachers i met.

I BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKET. I will be in Melbourne on Tuesday 21st of November. Weird.

One day weekends suck.

Tommorow i have to go into head office for training which is a bit odd since ive been doing the job for nearly a year now and this is the first time. Furthermore I'm leaving in 3 months so it seems like they really could have done this sooner. Anyway. The way my company works is you never actually have anything to do with head office, so once a year you get invited to honbu (japanese for head office stupid!) and get to meet the 100 odd other people who do the same job as you. Its a bit like Dr Claw from inspector gadget, your always talking about him, hes always trying to #### you up but somehow but you never see the *******. Well tommorow i will get ot meet doctor Claw.

Its not like that at all. In the mean time check out the robot who can skate!

Boo for a one day weekend.

Plen Video

PLEN is ace.

Big Box

Hundreds of years ago in Japan....

"Man its so hot today...what do you want to do?"
"We could go to the pools"
"what's the pools?"
"good question, dunno"
"hey I know I've got a big shrine thing...We could carry it on our backs in the hot sun all day. It would be kind of you know...Cultural"
"Hey good idea Toshi!"

Later that afternoon

"man I'm pooped...that was great...we should do this every year"
"Yeah.. it would give them something to write about in the travel guides, you know apart from the whole underpants in vending machines thing"

THE PRESENT (Sunday morning)

I woke up to the sound of a dozen or so men yelling out YO-SHA! YO SHA! which is Japanese for "I'm carrying a bloody big shrine and I'm going to let you know about it". Looking out the window, sure enough there were a dozen or so men carrying a bloody big shrine.



I'm only on the second floor so the sight of a bare chested gaijin popping his head out the window, looking confused, created its own spectacle (not the first time my mere presence managed to divert attention away from a well organized community event). Suddenly with all eyes on me, people were calling me down to join in their box carrying party. well sure guys, let me just put some pants on.

After putting on some pants i wandered down to see what all the yo-sha-ing was about over my morning coffee and cigarrette. My protests were ignored as the box went past me for a second time and i was forced into my new position as "box carrier second from the back on the left". Or was I forced? Perhaps in every man there is a deep seated desire to carry a box in the hot sun. Had this desire been lurking within me, lying dormant untill now?



No. After carrying it for 5 minutes i realise that carrying a big box in the hot sun is about the stupidist idea you could ever have next to bodybuilding and no amount of cultural interest was going to persuade me otherwise.



These guys thought otherwise.

And thats how i spent Sunday morning. Or at least 5 minutes of it. the rest isnt really worth knowing about (try arguing over video store fines in a foriegn language some time)

"They"

I started reading a Road to Sata by Alan Booth. It was written 30 years ago about his journey on foot from the northenmost part of Hokkaido to Cape Sata on the southern tip of Japan. I liked the authors note...

I have tried to avoid generalizations, particularly "the Japanese." "The Japanese" are 120,000,000 people ranging in age from 0 to 119, in geographical locations across 21 degrees of latitude and 21 degrees of longitude, and in proffession from emperor to urban guerilla. This is book is about my encounters with some twelve hundred businessmen, farmers, grandmothers, fisherman, housewives, shopkeepers, schoolchildren, soldiers, policeman, monks, priests, tourists, journalists, professors, laborers, maids, waiters, carpenters, teachers, innkeepers, potters, dancers, cyclists, students, truck drivers, Koreans, Americans, bar hostesses, professional wrestlers, government officials, hermits, drunks and tramps.

Word.

Gackt - Utaban Interview - Cooking

Defining the Simulcrum: Gackt

Thanks to a friend for putting me on to this.

A bit of background before you click the link below. Gackt is a J-Pop /J-Rock star in the veign of Marilyn Manson or MIchael Jackson without sounding anything like either of the two. In other words hes the quintessential weird pop star. The difference being that while in America, MJ appears on Oprah or Marilyn Manson creates a stir amongst the right wing, Gackt is simply laughed at for being well...Gackt.

From visiting some Gackt fan sites I was able to glean the following; he claims to be over 400 years old, his house is patrolled by ex American Special agents and he likes to cook currys over 4 days in the nude while reading a book (thought he admits to doing this less recently). Its difficult to tell whether Gact is being serious or not. I suspect hes not and its just the Japanese having a dig at the modern western pop star, on the other hand he sells CDs by the bucketload and plenty of people swear hes the real deal.

With lyrics like these you be the judge

Dazzlingly bright...
the earth has come to ruin
Proof of those that ask for freedom
Darkness...
Memory...
None of it will exist
Here it exists
Footprints
An awakened landscape
Whose is it?
Not mine
A cold visage

What the hell is he talking about? Perhaps this next quote will help us find out...

Q: If you could be another creature, what would you be?
Gackt: A roach because it is the thing I hate most in the world.
I want to overcome my fear. Once I become a roach
and understand his feelings, I guess I might be able to
like it slightly more. To overcome roaches is my big hope.

New Blog

Black. It's like space without the stars.

Blog synopsis: fireworks, civilized japanese crowds, the beach, going to vietnam.



So the no drinking thing lasted six days. Have you ever been to fireworks without drinking? If thats sounds pathetic then think about the situation, Its a hot summer night, sitting under a tree with your friends. Even the most hardy AA member is bound to crumble.

The fireworks were great...how do i describe them so that my year 12 english teacher would be impressed.... a symphony of color, a visual feast, it took my breath away, unputtdownable, quite simply the best book ive read in ages.

Japnese fireworks kick arse. They have ones that form Doraemon for chrissakes. For those that dont know Doraemon is the blue cat that looks like a lightbulb with whiskers, a bit like pikachu but blue.

What was more amazing was something you can easily forget when youve been living here a while. Everyone is so damned civilized! Can you imagine close to a million people going to the park at night for a free event, everyone crammed next to each other, being able to booze all they want. If that happened in Melbourne it would take weeks to regain control of the CBD. You just cant trust us. Japanese on the other hand will leave the minute the show is over, pick up all their rubbish and quietly make their way back home.

I got a similar feeling the next day at Kamakura beach. They have Bars on the beach over here. You just couldnt do that in Australia. Otherwise, Kamakura is a bit like Miami without the blonde hair. The sand is grey, alot of RVs, plenty of bars, places to buy hotdogs, a club playing play that funky music onto the shore below, kids with fireworks, more hotdog stands, fire twirling exhibitions, trance music, yankee girls, motorbikes, russian prostitutes and a couple of guys from argentina we played soccer with.

So the Beach thing inspired me. Im going to Vietnam for a week before i go home. I am going to go to Ho Chi Minh, I am going to a market, I am going to go on a boat through some rice paddies and i am going to lie on a beach. It should be grand.